Name

Given name is well given to us by our parents (most of the time). We get it and we go by it. Usually people do not even think about trying to change that because it's simply given.

My name was like a curse. Whenever I had to introduce myself I'd reveal my sex and I'd be perceived as that gender as well. My name was problematic also because it was a Czech name. I'm not Czech, I'm not even white. That is something that made people not believe me and ask me why I have this name, why I have a girl's name and where I come from. I hated my name to the extent that I stopped using it.

When I was little and I played my first RPG I named my character Shiratori Tsung. Since then I was using S'Tsung as my nickname and I introduced myself that way to those who were willing to talk to me. I never introduced myself with a name and gave it out only if someone needed it for something legal. That is the reason why many people to this day do not know my deadname and I'm grateful for that.

Part of transitioning is changing your name. Both given name and surname can be changed. I don't like my surname either because it also causes me some pain but it never was problematic the way my given name was. Therefore I decided to keep it. Choosing a new given name was something I wasn't really sure about. I always wanted to be named Yoshitaka (or either Yoshi or Taka). Yoshi is something I was leaning towards to but in the end decided against it because it reminded me of my own name. Taka I decided to drop because I may have ended up with a similar issue I had with my nickname (see there is a character named Shang Tsung in a game called Mortal Kombat and people often thing my nickname originates from there). There is 'dj TAKA' a composer and sound director for KONAMI. I play music games by KONAMI and the music game community would most probably laugh at my name. I wanted to avoid that. So I was looking for something a bit more discrete.

I came up with Ren (which is also a Japanese name). It can be written in several ways. The one I choose is lotus. If you ever heard of Magic: The Gathering you might know that the most expensive (and most powerful card) is named Black Lotus. This card is very dear to me and I'm emotionally tied to it, it signifies everything I went through while playing Magic (that consists of all traveling a lot, meeting new players etc). The other possible way to write is with the character of 'love'. I would never use that character to write my name but 'love' is something I was searching for all my life and I finally found out that I need to start with loving myself no matter how silly this sounds (I heard this 'nonsense' from many people and I finally understood that well there is a certain truth to it). So it seemed this name was perfect.

There was one last possibility and that was keeping my name but changing the name's gender. Thankfully that was denied by the authorities and I could choose the name that came through my mind earlier - Ren.

After I received my new birth certificate with male name I went to get my ID done and was then running around all the authorities and making a fool out of myself. I have to say that many of the people who were processing my name change from a female name to a male one weren't particularly nice to me and some were openly aggressive. Nonetheless I got my name changed hopefully everywhere.

Then, few weeks later, I finally understood how much I hated my previous name. After I got rid of my deadname I felt free. I was free from a certain prison that was created by the name that was given to me.

Now I am proud of my name. It has a special meaning to me and it doesn't make people doubt who I am.